How to Be A Better Burglar

By Bubba | March 31, 2010 at 4:23 am | 17 comments | Featured | Tags: alarm system, barking dog, door locks, hidden key, home security, home security system, security tips, window locks

Sure you’ve knocked over a couple easy rent houses on a dare, grabbed a ten year old VCR and some fancy costume jewelry. You nearly got caught by a homeowner who surprised you when his dog started barking and you set off his burglar alarm.  But now that you want to make a little money in your newly found vocation, you’ll need a few quick lessons on how be a better burglar.

Take your time. Watch the neighborhood for a few weeks and learn what the neighborhood routine is. Make careful note of who has “regular” jobs during regular work hours. See who is lax about leaving gates, garages, and porches unlocked. Check for multiple newspapers, uncollected mail, and deliveries left near doors.  See if there are any nosy neighbors that hang out during the day, retirees and busy bodies that hang around. Be sure and check for easy alley access, and see how much foot and vehicle traffic the street is exposed to. Make several trips through the neighborhood at night, check for lights on, both inside and out. See if a TV is on, or if bedroom lights and other household lights come on and off intermittently.  How well lighted is the porch and back door?  Is there a dog inside or out? How is that dog (or cat) being fed?

Once you’ve observed your quarry, you have but two things to judge.  Only two things, but these two things will make or break your job.:  1.) How quickly can you get in. 2.) How long you can stay (without getting caught) to grab something good.  Every second longer it takes to do a good job increases your chance of getting observed, caught, or shot at exponentially.  Simply put: Your purpose? Get some good stuff.  Your method? Get in quick, get out quick.  You should not to have spend more than one minute getting in.

And how to get in quick? Look for old-fashioned door handle locks.  They are usually just latches, and if they’re on an old house, they’re probably not squared up.  They’re probably drilled in with short screws and old wooden frames. Really lousy ones can be flipped open with a credit card. Stay away from solid looking deadbolt locks. Or if there IS a deadbolt, look for obvious key hiding places… you should be able to spot these within seconds.  The obvious fake rock, the magnetic key holder under the barbecue grill, in or around the mailbox, behind the lamppost, the ceramic figurine in the potted plant.  Often there is a small nail with a key on it inside the garage walk door, or just under a pier and beam house. Find a weak window or a door frame out of square – something wide enough to insert a heavy screwdriver or pry bar into, (you can usually find tools lying around). Most cheap locks will pop under the stress. Aluminum framed sliding glass doors have junk latches, unless they are protected with a lock bar, you can snap these open. Wooden doors with big window glass in them are easy to bust open and then turn the door latch. Whatever kind of entry you can breach, look for cover while doing so.  A hidden porch, a garage door entrance, high hedges and trees around a window – these are all pluses to give you a couple more seconds to get in the house.

Do NOT mess with an obvious alarm. If you see a siren/horn under the eaves, a posted alarm warning sign, or if you can spot security cameras or motion detectors, then it’s time to go next door. Maybe it’s a cheap alarm, maybe it’s not on, but why risk it? If it goes off or auto dials 9-1-1, then you are busted. If not busted, then your time is reduced to almost nothing. Even if you are able to cut a phone line or shut off house power, many alarms are now rigged with backup batteries, and more and more with cell phone or internet dialers. And if you see a dog on the property? Just stay away… big ones are mean and a lot stronger than you can imagine, and little ones are loud and obnoxious and draw more attention that you want to mess with.

Look, if you’re like most of us, you’re not Sean Connery playing some super thief. This is not Hollywood.  Most likely, you, and I and most of us average burglars are just dumb teenagers or barely older, probably living around the neighborhood that we “work” in. We’re just after some quick drug money or some actual drugs, right?  Just gang bangers, maybe working for a local two-bit fence for a couple hundred bucks a week.  So keep it simple, and fast.

And speaking of drugs, always check the medicine cabinet. Grab any good prescription drugs there, and a lot of times, some illegal ones.  I check the refrigerator (and freezer) for the same reason. Sometimes people stash money there too.  Look for fake containers that might have money in them.  They usually look real, but homeowners are stupid enough not to camouflage them correctly.  If you see a ketchup bottle in a sock drawer, or a shaving cream or motor oil can in the fridge…. Take it!

Start with the master bedroom.  It’s where the master lives and thinks about his stuff most. Look for boxes and cases in the back of drawers and the back of closet shelves. Don’t be neat!  Neat takes time. You had better be in motion. If you need to rip some drawers out, hurry. Tear the bed to shreds.  You can almost always find something around or in a bed. A gun, a secret cash stash, some drugs, a hidden jewelry box. Under the bed and in the box springs as well.

If there’s a safe that’s not bolted down, try to take it with you. You and the boys can have the whole weekend to tear into it. Even if it’s not full of gold, there will be great documents you can use to forge identities.  Look for light and expensive electronics, guns, good jewelry, cash, car keys, and credit cards.  Laptops and computer drives often can be resold, but even better, always have personal information and access to online accounts! Musical instruments and cameras are always pawnable.

Don’t forget to look in the obvious places: cookie jars, toilet tanks, (oh yes, good for drugs and cash), desk drawers, and ceramic pieces. Tear it up!

Kids rooms are usually dead ends. Toys have no resale value and since kids mess with everything in their room, parents don’t bother hiding stuff in there.

What time is it? If you’ve spent anywhere near ten minutes inside, you are at your upper limit, risk wise.  Get out quickly and quietly.  If at anytime, you hear a chirping of an alarm, a phone ringing, or any form of siren or warning tone… get out. Most alarm systems give a low key warning on the inside before they go, or sometimes the alarm call center will call the home first before they call the cops.

What did you score? Hopefully some cash, some light but expensive jewelry, and maybe a hard drive or a smart phone.  You’ll get better as you go, and be able to judge what’s inside by what’s outside. Remember, something to take, easy in, and fast out.

Note from Bubba: Sometimes it makes more sense when thinking about something to look at it from another angle.   If you want to know how to secure your home… then take a minute and think like a burglar. Look at your house. How secure is it really? Now look again… really. Maybe you and one of your more trusted neighbors could take turns telling each other how you would plan to break into each other’s houses. How easy would it be? Those crappy French doors need to go, or need to be fixed properly and locked and bolted. Trees need to be trimmed. Outdoor lighting can be installed. Decent deadbolts and locks should be installed. A reliable security system wouldn’t hurt.  And Bubbas says, go ahead, get that dog you’ve wanted for a while, he’ll earn his keep.

There are some good security products that we like at BrickhouseSecurity.com.  Another good resource in case you’re interested in installing your own intricate cameras system is Lorex Security Solutions. Also helpful is goldengadgets.com. They stock some really cool lighting systems, LED lighting that might save you a bundle in electric bills if you need to light up some outdoor areas.

Tips you should have gotten from this:

• Better locks on windows and doors.
• Better lighting at night, and random inside lighting when you’re away.
• Keep hedges, trimmed, and do not hide back doors w/ trellis or landscaping.
• Hide a key only with a neighbor that you trust. Really trust. Other hidden keys are usually easily spotted, or your dumb teenage has told half his/her friends how to come over whenever they want.
• A security system, any kind will help, a good one may be your best defense.
• Stop papers and deliveries while gone.
• If you must hide valuables, don’t be obvious. Or cliché’d about it. A kid’s toy is good, maybe a fake cat box.
• Safe’s are fine, IF THEY’RE HUGE OR BOLTED DOWN!
• Some folks suggest a burglar’s wallet.  A stack of twenties or a hundred bucks with some unregistered or fake credit cards.  They’ll grab that and get out.  (Beware, if you live in a million dollar home, they’re not going to settle for one measly pile of chump change.)
• Bubba says, “get a dog”, and take care of him/her.

Walk around your house and see what you can do to improve your chances of keeping your place off the “hit list”. Think about the last time you locked yourself out of the house – you know you thought for a second about breaking open that back window with the rotted wood around it… it wouldn’t have taken a second to crawl through to get inside.  Well, you’re not the only one that thinks to.